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h," said the Texan. "Where can I get a quart of
this here corn liquor?"
"Got one right here," replied the guard.
The Texan gulped down the whiskey without batting an eyelash.
"Now, do you happen to know where I can find me a grizzly?"
"Yep," answered the guard, "there's a big b'ar over that way, 'bout
a mile... lives in a cave on that cliff."
The Texan lurched merrily off. About an hour later he returned
with his clothes almost torn off and his face scratched and bloody. He was
smiling happily. "Now," he roared, "where's that damn Eskimo woman you
want killed?"
%
The foreman of a lumber camp put a new workman on the circular saw.
As he turned away, he heard the man say, "Ouch!".
"What happened?"
"Dunno," replied the man. "I just stuck out my hand like this, and
-- well, I'll be damned. There goes another one!"
%
The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide
================================
Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part
of face.
Solution : Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with
as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale
and clear.
Fault : Glass is empty.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom : Room is spinning.
Fault : Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution : Vomit on person doing the spinning.
Symptom : Feet cold and wet.
Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom : Feet warm and wet.
Fault : Loss of self-control.
Solution : Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its
owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom : Lap cool and wet.
Fault : Drooling on yourself.
Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.
Symptom : Bar blurred.
Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom : Bar moving.
Fault : You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain
loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
Sympton : Bar looks like a circus.
Fault : You're at a circus.
Solution : Go to a bar.
Symptom : The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a
fluorescent strip across it.
Fault : You have fallen over backwards.
Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking
arm, stay put. If not, get someone to li 上一页 [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] ... 下一页 >>
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