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ft you up and lash you
to the bar.
Symptom : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and
dog-ends.
Fault : You have fallen over forwards.
Solution : Same as for falling over backwards.
Symptom : You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot
see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault : You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution : Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat
yourself to a lie in.
Symptom : Everything has gone dim.
Fault : The pub is closing.
Solution : PANIC!!
%
A farmer is a man outstanding in his field.
%
FOR SALE:
Parachute. Used once.
Never opened. Slightly Stained.
%
Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.
%
While hunting, a man saw a beautiful nude woman come running out of
the woods and disappear across the clearing. Just as she got out of sight,
three men dressed in white uniforms came running out of the same woods.
"Hey, you," yelled one of them, "did you see a woman come by here?"
"Yes," replied the hunter. "What's the trouble?"
"She's an inmate of the county asylum, and gets loose every now and
then. We're trying to catch her."
"I can understand that," said the hunter, "But why is one of you
carrying a bucket of sand?"
"That's his handicap," said the spokesman, "he caught her last time."
%
Cica un tren se opreste in gara la Caracal. Un calator scoate capul
pe geam sa admire atmosfera. Agale trece un feroviar cu ciocanul.
"Nu va suparati, Caracal i aicea?" intreaba pasagerul.
"Da bine ca esti tu destept!"
%
After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life
in a wheelchair. Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his
bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the
judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.
When he was wheeled into the insurance office to collect his check,
Miller was confronted by several executives. "You're not getting away with
this, Miller," one said. "We're going to watch you day and night. If you
take a single step, you'll not only repay the damages but stand tr 上一页 [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] ... 下一页 >>
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